Sometime during the middle school days I was out shopping with my mother in a mall further away from our usual shopping spots. I had my hair, I was skinny; a teenager, unimportant and harmless. Packaged foods isle. Here I was standing with my back facing to some random housewife. I was not aware of her presence until I turned around in languid boredom. The distance of 4 feet between us was enough to make her cautious of me, lest I try to steal from her large purse. A quick snap of her neck towards me, a frown, and impatient hands which didn’t trust me, led her to promptly zip up her purse opening. Perhaps the earliest memory I have of feeling an offender without really doing anything but existing. Some fifteen years later I still remember this moment. It probably made me feel strongly. How often do you casually feel the bad guy without intending anything? By just being at a certain place at a certain time?
I rationalize. Yes, perceptions can be wrong. People can be mentally ill…or ill at ease…and you just so happen to be around such a person.
A man is indeed always seen as a threat. As stated by the lesbian woman who transitioned into a man and shared her ordeal online.
Now…lets finally get into the kind of ubiquitous“everlasting normal” I long for. Feels as though there is such disruptive poignant tension between the two genders most of the time in India. Do not think of your mother, sister or some other relative, think about the stranger you walk or stand across every now and then. In my travels, I have witnessed nonchalance, trust, and a feeling of safety women exude which I’ve never experienced in India.
Here, a real story and frequent occurrence. Most women will never fret over having to stand or sit next to a male stranger. They could even be dressed provocatively, but they feel safe and confident in themselves I suppose. Yes ofcourse, there were also people and women who once in a blue moon were visibly in a dilemma. Sit next to someone who looks like me, or stand uncomfortably. Yes, I’ve been the cause of some woman’s discomfort simply because of my appearance. But hey, I cant change colours, or body weight on a whim, or as per her desires. But yeah, 99% of the women adjust and deal with it, subtly, for the most part.
On my way to Pai for the first time I met this young Japanese couple. Mid twenties or early thirties. I was still new to international travel and the “other world”. The Japanese were the last tourists we picked up on our way. The young lady scooted in first after a hearty greeting, then her man joined her. She sat right next to the driver, a few inches apart. Then, few hours later, we all dozed off, she in particular, in her slumber, was listlessly leaning in the driver’s direction. Her friend, boyfriend, brother, whatever he was, was stolid, eyes closed, and deeply asleep too. I can never imagine the same thing happening in India. Consciously people might not say anything, but subconsciously it is felt…”these two are not related, why are they in such proximity to each other?” Personally, now that I think about it, all kinds of alarms go off in my head too. Is she going to get molested? Is the man going to be accused of something? Are we headed for some drama? Will there be any fair treatment for any of the parties? Man, such overthinking perhaps, but in this social climate, I don’t error much by thinking so.
Never have I encountered such friendliness from Indian women. Such friendliness is most easily and often dispensed on white people, white men. It is what it is. Undue hostility. Do I have issues? Maybe…right now, I give a wide berth to all Indian women. I stay away from them. I only deal when it is a professional necessity. On a personal level, I have been hurt and disappointed each and every way. These people are just not worth it. Sorry, but not sorry.
India has problems on multiple levels. Its overwhelming to realize it all, let alone deliberate.
The way Indian women regard me and some other Indian men can leave one imagining they are the devil, a threat to human society in general, perhaps a potential rapist. The social fabric has unravelled once again. A damage so real and palpable, my friend and me refuse to date in India. Dating in India, a deadly, lethal affair to say the least.
When can men and women in India interact and be around one another without internal conflict? The state of things saddens me.